An Honest Rant About My Future + Really Needing Your Help

First off I need to thank my AMAZING friends Liv and Bri for reading this post and giving me the most incredible support, encouragement and advice. Love you guys.

Okay, the rant begins:

Today I had to make a massive decision, one that will affect my future in a huge way.

When I tell you what the question I had to think about today was, it might seem a pretty obvious answer to you. Well, for me it was hard, really hard, and in this post I want to try and be as honest as I can about my struggle as well as asking your advice, even though I have already decided what to do and am happy with my conclusion.

Here goes….

I had to decide whether or not I want to choose to live a different life, a life searching for another way, a way to light a candle in this dark world and to learn the things that are important for my future, even though for my family at the moment that means leaving where we live and setting off to travel in our new home, a truck that my Dad has built.

I know, I know, I’m weird, who wouldn’t choose a life of unknown adventures and opportunities if they had the option!? You’d be crazy not to. Well, let me explain.


I’m not your typical teen, my family think differently than most, we don’t embrace the things that we feel are destroying our world, people’s lives, in fact we try to find ways to fight them. I’ve always been totally onboard with this, choosing to be a light in the darkness, that is, until I started comparing myself to others.

In the past few months I’ve become increasingly discontent and emotionally unstable, I’ve been looking around at everyone else and being extremely unhappy inside because I don’t have the same things as them, stupid things like my own bedroom and makeup (my collection doesn’t extend beyond a couple of lip balms, literally), but also some bigger things – most notably friends.

I look around me and see all these kids with tons of friends (or so I think), having sleepovers and lots of fun, growing up together, going out , experiencing all the things teens usually do and I get SO upset because I don’t have any of that. Apart from all my online friends (appreciate you guys sooooo much, btw) I can’t think of a single person who I can call a true friend. I don’t even really have anyone to hang out with.

I’m not a shy person or an anti-social one, I’m also not someone who’s just too lazy to even bother making friends, it’s just my circumstances that have made things difficult, we never really stay in one place for a long time, we’re constantly on a journey and we’re never very settled, I guess we’ve just never found the right place for us to be.

So this massive shadow of that possibility of friendship if we stay has hung over me recently, even to the point where I’ve doubted all of our grand plans.


So today I had to sit and think about this and I came to the following conclusion, a result of my thinking as well as several recent conversations with various people:

This thing that I desire so much that I burst into tears every time I try to talk about it, friendship, does it even exist? I look around me and all these people I know have experienced SO much pain because of that very thing, they don’t have any true friends and I’m basing my whole future on what they supposedly have when they don’t even have it? Okay, so that sounds crazy.

Secondly, it’s not like I have loads of amazing friends that I’m leaving, it’s only the possibility of it. It’s not guaranteed to happen and even it if did, is that really something I want to forsake my future for?

Who says you can’t make friends on the road? Okay, it might not be so easy, but if you make the effort to engage wherever you are you’ll soon have friends all over the world, wherever you travel really, of many ages and cultures, plus you can choose who to befriend, rather than just the kids you’re thrown together with in a classroom, club or area.

This ghost of friendship can. not. rule. my. life. I am in control and I choose to be positive and to make the most of this incredible, incredible opportunity I am being offered. I am being offered the world.



After understanding this, I started getting super excited about all the possibilities and I came up with lots of ideas. I realised that I’d been blinkered by all this negativity surrounding the whole friendship issue and that I have the chance to have the best education, to learn skills from people all over the planet, I have the chance to meet a hugely diverse range of people from different cultures, with different ideas and thoughts on life, I have the chance to follow my dreams and to create new ones, I have the chance to be a real light in the darkness, if I want to.



The best example I can give you is one I learnt a lot from myself. I’m about to show you a photo I used in an aesthetic I made to reflect my current identity (read all about it in my previous post).



I used this image to represent my desire for true friendship, but after showing my Mum she pointed out to me that this shows a girl who is enjoying the sunset and yet waiting for someone to come along and share it with her. I need to be this girl.




So yeah, that’s it really, do I choose the world or do I choose the norm? I’ve made my decision already, I guess you can probably figure out from my conclusion what it is, but I’d really, really, really appreciate your advice. You guys mean so much to me, I can’t even begin to tell you, wherever I am you’re always there to talk, sometimes about changing the world and deep, philosophical stuff and sometimes just the most random topics. Please stay with me, I need you now more than ever. 

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank a few of you individually since I don’t do it enough.


Thanks for listening! Bye.

63 thoughts on “An Honest Rant About My Future + Really Needing Your Help

  1. This was such a brave thing for you to share with us and I believe that it will be a beautiful moment that you look back on one day knowing that whatever decision you went with was the right one. It’s easy for me to say that I think the direction of the world as opposed to the norm will hold better opportunities for you but I really think it would as then things will have a chance of changing for you. I can relate to the part about friends (and always feel embarrassed to say it but you’re right about how if there were loads of friends, who’s to say they would be the real kind?) I have one good friend who I love spending time with who has kept with me from when I could get out to school but at the same time I consider blogging friends at the same level 😂 I hate to sound like I’m presuming you’ve chosen the world but with that all of your blogging friends will always stay with you compared to people in one place plus more will come along on the journey itself. Regardless of what you decide I’m so happy for you Gracie and what the future could hold! 😆🤗❤

    Liked by 4 people

    • Ahhhh, Elsie! Thank you so much! You are so right, as well. Now that I’ve put the negativity behind me (the desire for friendship will never go away) I feel so much for excited and engaged with my future. It’s amazing. My blogging friends mean the absolute world to me, I love you guys so much.

      Again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for taking the time to read and comment. It means the world to me. Xxxx😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

      Liked by 3 people

  2. First off, I cannot imagine how much courage it must have taken you to write this down and hit that publish button. I’m still struggling with sharing my life and troubles on my site and am nowhere close to getting where you are with being so honest about your feelings. Dude, I salute you!
    This may sound weird, but I have been where you are. I’ve felt discontent and restless and unreal. I’ve felt that I’m lying to myself about who I am, as opposed to who I think I am. And I cannot tell you what to do to get through this phase, because I’m still there, too.
    Friendship is a tricky subject and, let’s face it, it means different things to different people. I know people who think friendship is all about holding hands and being together all the time but somehow I feel it’s much more. Finding a true friendship, by my standards, is so, so hard. I don’t know if I’ve found it yet, Gracie, or if I ever will.
    But I choose to not build my life on such a makeshift base, you know? I’ve decided that there’s more to living than feeling disheartened about what I cannot have. I’ve found things I love doing in the world around me, and a person I love in myself. And I know you have, too.
    Someday I know there will be someone who I can call a true friend. And I know there’ll be someone to share that sunset with you. xx

    Liked by 5 people

    • I am literally sitting here ‘doing my schoolwork’ in tears. I’m actually crying. The screen is blurry. Thank you SO much, my FRIEND. See, you guys are the ones I can call true friends because you’re always there for me, no matter what and I’ll always be there for you too. I love you all more than words can say.

      I really hope that we can help each other to find true, real friendship. I totally agree with you where you say about friendship being so much more than just ‘hanging out’. It’s committment and connection. I haven’t found it either, but I now recognise that I have the most amazing opportunity to search for it and I’m grateful for that.

      Your encouragement means so much to me. Ily.

      Liked by 3 people

      • I really hope so too. ❤
        This reminds me, I forgot to send in my contribution to your discussion post! Is it fine if I send it in today? (Working on it right now!) I'm super sorry, I have been really busy for the past couple months.

        Liked by 3 people

      • ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
        Oh, don’t worry. A lot of people forgot and I actually didn’t remember to remind everyone. I’ve received a few contributions, but everyone seems to be so busy. If you’d still like to send it in that’s great, if not no worries. I will do the post, but I’m not sure when. 😊

        Liked by 3 people

  3. That was so beautiful!! I’m so sorry for all that you have been going through. I also struggle with friendship, one of my best friends, just isn’t my best friend anymore. We still know each other but it just isn’t the same. Sometimes it is so hard! Thank you for sharing!
    -Hannah

    Liked by 3 people

  4. this is such a beautiful post, Gracie! I feel that way a lot — I have close friends & I confide in some of them a lot, but I don’t really go out with them. I have like two friend groups, and sometimes I get jealous of how two friends in the group are closer than I & one of those friends. but I think it’s important to realize that we’re all different & approach friendship differently!! I don’t go out that much because being in public gives me a lot of anxiety, and I’m really not that type of person to go out anyways.

    I wish you all the luck with your life journey! (and that photo is really beautiful.) ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you so much, May! I’m so glad you chose to share this. We all struggle, especially with friendships, in our teen years and throughout our lives. That’s why I’m SO grateful for you guys’ friendship. We help each other and that’s what makes this community so incredible.

      Thanks again! All the best, honey!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I haven’t had the same experiences as you, but I had to move to a different school where I didn’t know anyone. I have moved to new cities twice where I only knew one person and had to start building a network of friends all over again. If you’re interested in those around you and you make the effort, those friends will come 🙂
    Some people who seem to have loads of friends at school now will lose touch with a lot of those people when they move away or life doesn’t throw them together in the same places every day.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Very well said, Gracie. I am so sorry to hear that you have no in real life, friends 😦 That is super hard!! I did not have any true friends my whole life until about 2-3 years ago. It was hard going through those early teenage years without anyone to talk to. But then my family went through some big changes- one that included switching churches. At first, I was really sad about leaving the church I’d been going to my whole life, but now I am SO thankful that we switched. Because of that change God has now blessed me with many great, Christain friends!! Keep praying about this, dear! ❤ God will get you through this! He cares for you so much, and wants you to be happy! Pray for him to bring the right friends into your life! ❤
    Have a wonderful day! I am here if you ever need someone to talk to! *hugs*

    Liked by 2 people

    • *massive hugs* Thank you so so so much, my amazing friend. You and your encouragement mean a lot to me. Thank you also for sharing your experience, it made me realise that I’m not the only one and it’s given me so much hope. I am in my early-ish teens right now and I feel like I don’t want to spend these next few years friendless. I keep saying to myself ‘if you risk nothing, you gain nothing’ Your story of swapping churches and gaining so many more friends has really inspired me as that’s exactly what I need to do: stop playing it safe and go out into the world, like you did. I’m pretty sure I’ll never regret it.

      You are an AMAZING friend and an INCREDIBLE person. Thank you for being there for me. I’m there for you too, always. xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow, Gracie this was so beautiful. It’s hard sometimes to put yourself out there and be open to the world, but I guess it’s necessary at one point. I feel that way a lot about my friends. I love my friends but sometimes I can’t help but feeling left out. Like I don’t belong. I would spend days analyzing the relationships between me and my friends but none of it would help. I’ve lost some friends in the past year and it was really hard, honestly. Thank you so much for sharing your story and I wish you the best on where the future might take you! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Gracie! I’m not sure how many times I’ve left a comment on your blog, but my name is Lizzy! I’m 19 and I was homeschooled my entire life! This post was so well written! Thank you for being that honest with us all! I’m so sorry you don’t have friends who live close by. To be honest, I don’t really either and I totally get that! I too usually swim against the current no problem, but sometimes it just becomes so tiring and hard to do! I will be praying for you! If you ever need or want to chat with someone, I’m on Pinterest. My Pinterest name is just my blog! 😘💕🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Amazing post Gracie! I know how you feel with being emotionally unstable because I was exactly like that for a while last year when I was battling with anxiety and depression that I couldn’t tell anyone about. I know how hard it is to feel like you are wanted and needed but I promise you, you are. Don’t base yourself on others, I’ve tried it and it just made me feel worse about myself and I got incredibly down. It’s really hard to keep yourself up and wanting to continue with life. You’ve got my support the whole way and thank you for inspiring me to share my own story about my battles with the depression. I’ll share my own tale on my blog soon. Just believe that you are important and you do have people who you can fall back on and talk to.
    Also, I need to high five your make up collection, ours could be BFFs!
    ~Emily xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aw, Emily! Thank you so much! I’m seriously so overwhelmed with all the support I’m recieving. It’s also amazing that you felt comfortable to share a snippet of your own story with me too. Thank you for that, I know it’s not easy. Yes, we need to stay strong together. I’m so so so grateful to have a friend like you.

      Haha! Oh yeah? *virtual high five*
      Gracie xxxxxx

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I’ve been wanting some true friends for a while now too. I’ve seen so many girls my age who have lifelong friends, I’ve read about these friends, and wondered why I don’t have any super close, lifelong friends myself. It urks me a little bit, but I’m figuring it out, just as you are. I’m glad to know it isn’t just me who feels like this…
    Waiting for someone to join me in front of the sunset.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know exactly how you feel! Exactly! I am the same. I read about this sort of friendship in all my books and I’m like, well, these are my friends now, since I don’t have any in real life. Lol. No, I’m starting to learn that these friendships are hard to come by, they take committment and trust, but we will both find people who feel the same way as we do eventually, but for now we’ve got each other (and our books 😂😂😂) Stay strong and enjoy the sunset, my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I am actually in a similar situation. I’ve been given the opportunity to move somewhere, a little far away from “home” now which could be a fresh start and beautiful beginning for me, away from troubles. I think I’ve made my mind up but I still question myself to make sure. I think about the things that are keeping me from making that move and it’s really not much important so it’s really just fear of the unknown and change. And leaving certain things or people behind, not that I can’t still talk or visit them every now and then. As far as friends, I’ve lost all of my friends a couple of years ago over something really stupid so probably not really great friends anyway. I’ve been feeling like I have no one to call a friend but I’d rather say that than have a group of people I only think are my friends and want the best for me. I think the best thing for me right now is to focus on myself, being my own friend and love first. Doing what I feel in my soul and not letting others input steer me in other directions. I think you should do whatever your soul or intuition is telling you is best because it could be the best decision of your life so far, as it seems like such a difficult one to make. Those are usually the ones that make a huge difference in our lives.

    Like

  12. Oh Gracie I don’t know what to say. I had no idea you were having such a difficult time. We all have our ups and downs but I know you have come to the right decision. You have had such wonderful opportunities and seen and done so much .I have followed your every move and read all about everything you have seen and done while you have been travelling. You have learnt so much and been given so many adventures. There must be so many girls of your age who would be so happy to do what you have done. As for friends you can’t make friends friends happen and you have made lots of friends along the way. You will make many more. You have so much to give and so much to be thankful for a wonderful family who love you. They are so important .Always remember that. Xxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Gracie it wasn’t meant to make you cry I just wanted you to know that you have all your life in front of you and I am sure you will have many changes but you will I am sure you will make the right decisions with the help of your wonderful family.xxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  14. You made the right decision, I believe. You have the chance to be with the world, and that’s amazing! And when you find someone who’s worth you staying in once place for, like it is in books, maybe then you can wait or you can email them, text them and visit them every year, you know? But for now, we’re all still young and so are you, so go discover! Make new friends everywhere you go, light up people’s lives! I look forward to accompanying you through your journey! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Hiya Gracie girl! I gasped out loud when I saw that you had posted this one. You are INCREDIBLE and I’m so proud of you. I honestly wouldn’t have had the guts to publish something so personal. Hats off to you for staying so honest and open. 💕😁❤❤

    And I guess I’ve always had friends to hang out with but that being said I struggle so much at finding whether they’re my ‘real’ friends or not. I’ve been friends with a girl for 7 years but now we hardly stay in contact with each other after I swapped schools. And I’ve had similar fall outs. I still am searching for my ‘real’ friend and I’m hoping to God I find mine just like you will find yours. (But secretly I’ve got confidence that you will find great friends while I’ve got no big hopes for me. Hmm. Sad) Anyway, do update us all about the people you meet through your journey.
    And like I said, we’re always there here. 😁💫💕😄❤❤
    Xxxxxxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so so so much, my incredible friend. And thank you for sharing your story and always being there for me. Ily. You will find real, true friends, Bri, stay strong please. I will.

      Btw, that’s not you in your profile pic, is it? And I emailed you. 😀😀😀

      Like

      • I guess I must 🙂. Your support is amazing, I must say.

        And shh. It’s not. 😁😛 I got stuck in a dare and I had to do this. (By far the most easiest) I’ve got a couple more dares to do too! I was hoping no one would notice much. Well sadly, this one’s got to stay for this week. 🙂😜
        Xxx
        P.S. Nooo thank yous between friends!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks! And ohhhh, I see. What is the picture of? I can’t really see it. However, it actually looks quite nice. What are the other dares????? I’m intrigued. Who dared you? xxxxx

        Like

      • My friend dared me. And actually the dare was to change my profile picture to the photograph of someone who’s not me. I cleverly changed it to a pic of someone who’s face isnt shown. So😂
        It’s an easy dare. I’ve had worse ones. And about the rest of them, I can’t tell them here. I’ll email if i can. 😛😂
        Xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

  16. After reading this post, I sat for a while thinking about it. I leaned back in my chair, contemplating and then I gasped suddenly because I realised just how much this post means to me. This will sound odd but I’m feeling lifted up with hope – the hope YOU have given me. You chose the world; your heart broke from the possibility of making friends and leaving them but you still chose the world. I admire you so much – I hope you know that. You just taught me that life doesn’t have to be about leaving and pain – it can be about discovering.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so so so happy after reading this comment, Elm. I’m glad that my decision has uplifted you and taught you something. I never guessed that sharing my struggles on here would have such a huge impact on both me and my readers. Much, much love to you! ♥️♥️♥️

      Like

  17. This is just such a beautifully written post. ❤ After reading this, I literally just stared at my screen and thought for a long time. Your story is mine. I'm not even kidding. I'm the exact same as you: my family has been moving constantly ever since I can remember, and I've always been jealous of the "normal kids" with their close circle of friends, since though I have a really really close online friend, I'd actually not really known what IRL friendship was like and whether or not it really existed. It encourages me so much that someone is actually going through the same thing, and your decision inspires me so much — actually, your entire blog inspires me so much. 🙂 Here's to fellow world-changers and brilliant lights amidst the darkness!

    Liked by 1 person

    • So after reading this comment I also sat and stared at the screen for a long time because I never thought I’d ‘meet’ someone facing the same struggle. Thank you so so so much for sharing your story with me, it’s made me feel as though I’m not alone and I’m not the only one and that someone understands. If you don’t mind me asking, how have you dealt with it? And how old are you? I have tears in my eyes right now because the issue of irl friendships still sits so heavy on my heart and my mind and just by knowing that you’re going through the same thing helps me SO much. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for leaving me this beautiful comment. I really needed it. Yessss! *raises glass to fellow world-changers and lights in the darkness* Btw, if you EVER want to talk, please do contact me through the ‘Wanna Talk?’ page on my blog, it would do me good too. Maybe we can be friends?

      Liked by 1 person

Your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s