What I talked about in my last post, Empty, is something that’s very important to me and, after a conversation with a friend a couple of days ago, I’ve decided to elaborate on the thoughts that I shared.
There is this thing that I see in so many of my generation and that I recognise in myself – the desire and desperation to be stronger, more confident, prettier, more than what you already are. It stems from an underlying fear that somehow we are not enough. I think what I’ve learned from it is that sometimes it’s okay to break or to be broken, sometimes it’s okay to be weak or just not as strong as you’d like. Sometimes that’s where we’ve got to start.
Hating ourselves gets us absolutely nowhere. We have to accept where we are and then build on that. We have to do it for real – fake confidence and fake strength won’t do the trick. We cannot hide our hearts under fabricated shields.
As I said in my poem, I’ve seen some of the strongest, most confident people in my life break down and cry because underneath it all they’re hurting so badly and they hate who they are. I’ve heard people who five minutes ago made a stupid suicide joke tell me they thought about taking their own life last year. They use this whole don’t-care attitude to hide their pain.
I do it too. I’m not as sure of myself as people seem to think, I’m still learning, I’m still growing, under the confidence, there is still definitely insecurity about who I am and who I’ll become….
I think that if we all opened up more, if we were all more honest and real, then our so called ‘flaws’ wouldn’t need hiding and we could work on them together. We could build ourselves up into truly strong, confident people. And of course, somethings aren’t even flaws, we just see them that way. Maybe we’d come to realise that they’re not what make us weak.
I love my friends and I care so much about my generation and our future. What future do we have when we’re growing up learning to hate ourselves? What future do we have when everything we do, everything we say, everything about ourselves is fake? It’s a defence that we put up to stop others from seeing who we are underneath. We can’t live our lives like that.
You can keep covering your wounds with plasters, but they won’t get any better. You’ve got to treat them properly and to do that you have to take the plaster off, no matter how much it hurts.
It is your responsibility to love yourself. No one else can do that for you. It is your responsibility to be content with who you are and to work towards becoming the best version of yourself that you can be.
It is us and only us that can make that change in the way we think and the way we live our lives, but we have to support each other too.
So stop tearing people down and start building them up. Stop helping your friends put the plasters on and start ripping them off. Start listening, start sharing.
You may not be perfect, but at least you’re not fake.