Empty

Sad eyes on smiling faces. I can’t bear it when I see my friends and other young people of my generation hiding their pain behind this mask of fake confidence and a don’t-care attitude. I’ve seen them cry, I’ve heard them talk and sometimes we don’t see what’s deeper down. So why don’t we all quit hiding and start sharing. Here’s a poem lol 👇

Empty

emptiness.

they say it’s like a blank space.

they say it’s so shallow.

they say it’s a defence,

but what does it replace?

what i want to know is

-honestly –

does it make it better?

or does it just numb the pain?

just for awhile, of course, ’cause we both know it won’t stay away.

 

well, i guess maybe i wouldn’t know ’cause,

i am not the suicide joke,

or the false laughter that follows,

i am your tears as you sob into my shirt,

’cause this is your story

and i ask you ‘why joke about what almost killed you?’

 

that laughter makes me angry.

why, why do you make this into something funny?

all i want is to tell you it will be okay,

don’t be ashamed of your pain.

you’re not empty. you’re not empty.

 

you are made from heart-shaped scars,

deep breathing, panic rising,

you are talking to the stars ‘cause you’re hurting

and they’re the only ones listening.

you are biting your lip and tasting blood and screaming

you are strength because you are tired of feeling weak

this is your story

you are anything but empty.

 

you are made from shattered glass and picking up the pieces

you are made from getting hurt and feeling like you’re worthless

there is ugliness in your pain

but from that truth comes beauty

do not hide behind that mask of empty, empty, empty.

Advertisements

Positively Rebellious™

I am a total, self-confessed rebel. I love going against the grain and, of course, I love my rock hands 🤘, but recently I’ve been thinking…how can I put that spirit to good use? How can I use it to really make a difference?  In our society there are so many negative things that we can rebel against and so much that we should do differently.

 

I’ve come up with this list of things both you and I can do to be Positively Rebellious™. If you’re up for a challenge, have a go and let me know how you get on!

  • Dance in the street (or wherever you like really…supermarkets are also pretty good)💃
  • Just forget about what other people think of you for awhile. Prepare to be liberated!
  • Tell someone that you love their smile 😄
  • Speak your mind and be honest. It will get you so much further than faking it and if people don’t like it…well…tough 😂
  • Stand up for something you believe in 💪
  • Turn your music up, up, up 🎧
  • Stop dwelling on the problems and put your energy into coming up with solutions.
  • Do something you’ve always been too scared to do before. You’ll be fine! ☺️
  • Commit a random act of kindness ❤️
  • Use something you’re passionate about to help someone else.
  • Let go, laugh 😊
  • Take crazy photos 📸
  • Consciously put someone else before yourself 👍
  • Tell people you care about that you love them 💕
  • Share whatever you can in whatever ways you can 🤝
  • Be a pirate (or whatever else you feel like being) for the day ☠️
  • Don’t just follow the crowd, always make the decision to do the right thing 👍
  • Swim in the sea – it will be cold, but I can promise you it’s worth it 🌊
  • Don’t walk – run! Or hop! Or skip! Or jump! Or sail 😏😏
  • Forgive someone for their mistakes ❤️
  • Wake up early and watch the sunrise 🌇
  • Send someone an encouraging text 🤛
  • Most importantly, think for yourself! Act upon what you believe in, do something about what you care about and dare to be different ✌️

If you have anything to add, don’t hesitate to comment down below! Also, I would absolutely love to hear how you get on being Positively Rebellious™ so be sure to let me know. I hope this inspired you and made you smile 😊 so, what are you waiting for, Positive Rebels?! Get out there and go!

Playground Swings

 

Playground Swings – a poem

**all photo credits to my sister**

silence
a child’s cry
they both call me to this place of familiarity
at different times
I think it’s
the security of a soft landing
the comfort of children playing
the simplicity of just saying
or
or it’s the lonely poeticness of a playground when it’s empty,
the cold, quiet paradox of a place like this in silence.
and something about the way
I can always smile here

thinking out loud on playground swings,
these creaking chains are the only ones that will ever set me free,
and yet still I’m trapped,
torn back down to earth
by the limits of my wings,
I want to fly higher
and I will
never quite knowing
stomach lurching
you will catch me when I’m falling
right?

Hood up
pulled over my face like a shadow
legs stretched to the sky
lips and mind searching for the ‘why’
in everything

my fingers are getting cold
kinda slipping
letting go
I’ve been here too long
nostalgia
memories burn holes
in your pocket
matches set fire to the past
then watch as flames destroy souls
and poetry is composed
and the future is all they leave us
covered in ash
so close and yet so far away

the wind blows in my face
just reminding me of its power
I rise and fall like the waves
and I can do nothing
yet I still strike out for the shore
and swim
but sometimes I am torn between
the devil and the deep blue sea
and sometimes
the mystery of the horizon
is too beautiful
and I fill the ocean with my tears
whilst the tide takes me
and I have to decide whether to fight
or to let go.

but I am stronger
I am stronger
than anyone knows
and I will sing a song
my song
and people will hear me
and they will lean over the fence and listen
and I will be a child on a playground swing again

To The Boy With Real Courage

Just had to share this xx

I saw a teenage boy at the pool with his mum and his sister today and I was like ‘aw, that’s so sweet’ that he came swimming with his family, most boys that age that I know wouldn’t even dream of doing that. So then I keep doing my lengths and when I get back to the shallow end, I see his mum getting out some bright orange armbands and suddenly he’s putting them on and I’m like ‘what?!’ because my brain was having a hard time processing this. He’s climbing into the pool and kinda visibly shaking like he’s super scared and his mum and sister are really encouraging and supporting him. He doesn’t look embarrassed at all – just terrified, but kinda super focused at the same time.

So he gets in the pool and he’s taking tiny steps and he looks really afraid, but he’s doing it and his family are helping him and he seems so determined and I’m swimming along smiling ’cause that’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen in awhile. That is true courage.

 

2018 – The Year Of The Ship

2018. Where do I even start?

I’ve honestly been staring at this screen for over six minutes and I still have no idea. So much has happened this year and it’s all going through my head right now and I can’t even….it’s just….a whole year is such a long time and I’ve changed so much and experienced so much and I don’t know how to begin explaining that.

I’ve called this post The Year Of The Ship because that’s what it is in my mind. Sailing ships and friendships ☺️ here goes….

Life’s weird. I wasn’t expecting to go on a sailing voyage and come back like ‘Bam, I know what I’m gonna do with my life now’ but hey, that’s what happened! That first trip sparked my love for sailing and the ocean and the whole seafaring way of life and I realised that I could use this to make a difference. 

I’ve been on three voyages since and, in total, have spent a whole month at sea this year! I’ve met some of my best best best friends and have completely and irreversably fallen in love with sailing and sail training.

This year has been really hard and full of challenges.  I feel as though major changes are constantly being thrown at me. Teenage life isn’t easy as I’m sure many of you well know and trying to juggle relationships, my future, feelings, new responsibilities and changing the world is pretty demanding, ya know? 😉 

I honestly think 2019 has made me a completely different person and that I’ve changed so much, in a positive way, for sure 🙂 

I think I’ve finally found a world I belong in and at the same time, a way to make a difference. I feel both lost and found, if that makes sense. As if I’ve found a place and people to belong to and yet I’m still searching and still trying to make the world a better place. 

I also just want to mention all the amazing people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and spending time with this  year – blogging friends, real life friends, the crew of Pegasus voyage 1 & 2, the crew of Alba Explorer and all my Small Ships Race mates. 

2018 hasn’t been an easy year for anyone and I’m so so so proud of everyone for getting through it and being the incredible people that I know. Love ya all. Stay strong. 

I think that pretty much sums up my unsum-up-able year lol. To listen to my soundtrack for 2018 click here for a playlist I made for a few friends. It’s full of all the songs that mean the most to me and I’d love for you to give it a listen 💕 

How has your 2018 been? What’s been the most important thing to you this year? Would you say that you’ve changed a lot? Did you listen to the playlist? 

 

 

Moving On

I’m sorry for my silence…I know it’s been a while. Autumn is well and truly here now and winter is definitely feeling close. Life is very cold and summer is long gone.

We’re leaving where we live in a couple of weeks. I look around me and I see my home, the only home (other than the open road) that I can remember. I see the ghosts of warm summer nights under the stars with my best friends, campfires glowing in the dark, a million mudfights, ten years worth of childhood adventures and stories. I could walk around this place blindfolded, I know it a hundred times better than any other place in the world because, for an entire decade, these woods and fields and rivers and buildings, were my world.

But life goes on and things change and now I’m leaving it behind. I’m ready to move on – we all are, but I’ll still miss it. A part of my heart lies here and always will. The child that I was belongs to this place. From the barely five year old to the almost fifteen year old, she belongs here – climbing trees and running wild, blissfully content and free.

I am ready for the future, full of dreams and plans, I’m filled with excitement at the prospect of going out into the world and doing something to make a difference….

How are you all? How’s life going? Any big plans or changes happening for you guys? What does December and the new year hold for you? 

~Goodbye, Carefree Summer~

Goodbye, carefree summer. You’re nearly gone now. I can still smell you in the wood smoke on my t-shirts though, hear you echoing in the laughter of my friends and feel you in the wind against my face, it’s much colder now. I miss you already.

I said my goodbyes in style. The water was freezing, but it was worth it….I let go, I went wild, I celebrated your legacy all the carefree spirit that’s inside me.

~Goodbye, Carefree Summer~

It’s true – happiness comes in waves.

You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf…(which is what I fully intend to do)

The ocean is everything I want to be; mysterious, beautiful, wild and free.

Make waves, my friend 😉 

And now I’m ready. Ready for autumn and it’s untamed beauty. Ready for its fiery chill and crisp embrace. Come at me. I’m ready.

 

Three Wishes – Random Ramblings

I’ve been thinking…if I could wish for any three things, what would they be? It’s such a cliché question, but one with so much potential and so many possibilities that my mind flies from one thing to another until I’m so dizzy that I just have to stop.

Stop. Sometimes when your thoughts get too much and you start to feel too much and your heart fills up and you start to overthink to the point that any minute you might just explode, you just have to stop. Breathe.

I crave depth and freedom and I find it so hard to live in a world where everything is shallow and fake. My own head is the only place I can find some escape from that, but my thoughts are just too much sometimes.

Still, I keep thinking, what three wishes would I choose? Here’s my conclusion. How about you?

  1. That the distance between me and some of the people I care about the most wasn’t so great.
  2. That people in the world would wake up and see what’s important and start working in harmony to achieve it so that everyone could be happy and content.
  3. That I could have a sailing boat and sail around the world helping others, teaching people to sail and loving life ❤️❤️

 

 

Scotland Sailing Voyage: Collab With Ma Crewmates 🌅

The cool kidz 😂

I am really, really excited for this post. Like, really excited 😁 Not only do I get to talk about the best week of my life, I also get to collaborate with some great friends to bring you a post about our voyage with Ocean Youth Trust Scotland!

Here goes.

There’s literally SO much I want to say about the voyage, but I’m going to start with the basics.

  • There were eighteen of us ( 6 sea staff and 12 crew aged between 12-14) onboard Alba Explorer – a 72ft yacht that’s been round the world twice (I think???) and now takes young people like us on sail training voyages 🙂
  • We set off from Oban which is on the West coast of Scotland and sailed round the Hebrides visiting loads of different islands.

For me the voyage was incredible because, not only did I have an amazing amount of fun, make the best friends, learn loads of new things and get to spend time in my favourite place (the ocean), I also took another step towards my future and towards working in sail training.

Alba Explorer – or part of her, anyway!

Now, I’m going to let my friend and fellow crewmate Eva take over 🙂

 Well, I had never sailed before and I was very nervous. When I arrived I met the crew and let’s just say some of the boys were far from gents! So that made me feel even worse. On our first day we were put into our Watches and I wasn’t with my friend so I was even more annoyed. But then I got to know the girls I was in a group with and realised they were both very nice. Never judge a book by its cover!

So after the first day, when I was below deck, I realised I suffered from sea sickness which let me tell you is not a nice feeling! But once it passed I got back to baking and sailing. So after feeling homesick, sea-sick and sorry for myself we stopped and harboured at South Uist and got off the boat. That was the day before the World Cup!

I mentioned it to the rest of the crew which was a big mistake because they were all Scottish and hated England winning! Anyway the game was the semi finals so I was really excited. I wanted to watch the game so badly, but obviously there was no telly on the boat.

The next day we arrived at a harbour and one of the watch leaders took us all on a walk. If you haven’t been to Scotland then you won’t know that the scenery is absolutely beautiful. The walk was lovely, but I was dying to know the football score. There was no phone signal or WiFi so there was no way of knowing. “We’re so isolated we don’t even know the football score! I mean prisoners get to know the football score” I thought to myself.

So every car that drove passed with its window open I shouted, “What’s the football score”. Then eventually a man told us that Croatia won and I was so annoyed! 

Anyway those were the worst bits! The rest was so much fun and I wish I was back there now. The ocean was beautiful and we saw so much wildlife like dolphins, whales, basking sharks, puffins, seals, jellyfish and lots more. I learnt how to sail and had a real adventure. I also made three new friends for life which I think was the best bit!

Aw, Eva, that was great ❤️ I agree – the boys were certainly not gents 😂 and yes, it was beautiful. I wish I was back there now too.

Ewan was another crewmate who joined in this collab. Here’s his part about the voyage.

The voyage on Alba Explorer was extremely fun. I had previously been away on Alba Explorer for a weekend, but that was no way near as fun as the week as you didn’t get to know the others in the crew or set foot on land. Some of my highlights were watching the dolphins jumping at the bow of the boat and the barbecue when we swam in the freezing waters of Tiree. It was very fun and I would definitely do it again!!!

I loved swimming in the sea too, Ewan, but it was definitely freezing 😁

Photo credits to Eva

Next up, we have Sasha’s piece!

I really enjoyed the voyage; it was so fun sailing round Scotland and meeting new people. The sailing was really good and in the evenings we all played games which were really fun. Overall it was a really fun trip.

I’m so glad you had fun, Sasha! ❤️

Fergus is the final crewmate to share his experience in this collab. Here’s his contribution.

Arriving in Oban, I could see the 95 foot mast of Alba Explorer from what looked like miles away which was a sight to behold!

I was quite nervous at the start knowing I was going to spend a week with 17 other people on this boat, but to my relief they were all very nice and great fun. There was a boy called Zach who had come from Washington DC to visit Scotland and Ireland, and also 3 girls who came from England; Gracie, Sasha and Eva. The Clyde Cruising Club Dinghy Section was well represented with myself, Stan, Ewan and Oscar all on board. The skipper’s son was there as one of the crew members too.

I really enjoyed going round the Hebrides and it was without doubt the best week of my life! We traveled to a little bay near Loch Drambuie on Mull, staying there for the first night, then went all the way up to South Uist, then to Castle Bay on Barra, followed by Tiree, Tobermory and then finally back to Oban. It was amazing!

On three of the nights we anchored. On the first night the captain, Stuart Simpson, the first mate, watch leaders and bosun did ‘anchor watch’. On the other two nights we had planned to moor up to pontoons however THE SAME BOAT took our place twice! So the crew had to do anchor watch. Anchor watch is where some crew members need to stay up during the night and watch the anchor, hence the name! The First mate draws a box around the boat on the navigation screen and you have to report to someone if the boat floats outside the box (I know, exciting eh?).

All the hard work was worth it because I and all the others were awarded the RYA Competent Crew certificate!

I can thoroughly recommend an OYT voyage to anyone who is interested in sailing. It was exciting, challenging, rewarding and great, great fun!

Yeah, I totally agree with all of that ♥️♥️

This was so much fun to put together and it brought back some great memories. Thanks to all my fellow crewmates who contributed and to YOU for reading.

Bye!