Letters To The People Who Mean The Most To Me AKA Me Being Poetic and Sharing Stories I Think Are Funny

I’ll admit it – I’m a little nervous to post these. Most of the people that these letters (which are all extremely heartfelt and honest, btw) are addressed to read this blog and some of these are words I’ve never said to them before. I’m half expecting a flurry of messages telling me to ‘be less cringey omg’ or ‘I actually never said that’ or ‘I thought you were over it’ after this post because, although I’m keeping it completely anonymous (you’ll never guess who mwhahah) if one of these letters is to you I’m pretty sure you’re gonna know about it lol.

So anyway I’m lowkey scared that y’all (can I say y’all?? I’m British it doesn’t work like that round here lol)…ahem, as I was saying I’m kinda scared you guys are gonna think I’m a tad dramatic after this post, but that’s fine ’cause I’m a writer and it comes with the job 🙂 

Before I launch straight into this (who am I kidding I’ve already rambled for ages), I’d just like to say that this is a Close Friends Edition. I’m thinking of doing a family and family friends post too at some point in the near future. Also, having the right people in your life is so important and although I’ve struggled with the whole friendship thing and finding people who actually ‘get me’, I’ve been prettyyy lucky.

Here goes me being poetic and sharing stories that are only funny to like me and one other person, but enjoy! Note: these are in a totally randomised order 🙂

A

You say you don’t have a poetic bone in your body, but tbh I’m convinced that every single part of you is poetry. The way you smile, the way you’re broken but every fiber in your body just wants others to feel less alone, just in the way every word you write touches my heart and makes me breathless for a moment, the way you can always make me laugh.

Our friendship is being there for each other through absolutely everything, when you’re at your lowest you know you can reach for me because I will love you no matter what, and that will never change. It’s you I text the minute something exciting happens or when I’m close to crying on the floor because I can’t do this anymore. You’ve helped bring me through so much and you’re not afraid to tell me what’s best for me, even if it’s not always what I want to hear haha.

I’m so incredibly proud of you just for being who you are and I appreciate you so much. Keep laughing, keep smiling, keep writing and being the beautiful person that you are. Most of all, never give up on the world and never doubt yourself because you have SO much to give.

I’m always going to be a little jealous of how effortlessly aesthetic you are (ummm how??? teach me your secrets mwhahahaha), but despite of that, I love you and one day we WILL travel the world together and see amazing places and meet cool people and fix the broken pieces of the world and write poetry all day ❤

Be

Apparently I wrestled you to the ground the first time we met. We were five years old. We’ve grown up together and even though everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has shipped us since day one, we both know we’ll never be anything more than best mates.

Yeah, you’re annoying as anything most of the time, but again, it’s just because I know you too well. There’s too many memories to count. Putting my coat on and coming out in the pouring rain to keep you company when you had to litter pick after school for hours, that entire magazine we wrote and illustrated when we eleven, me and T terrifying you when we chased you through the woods that night and you didn’t know who we were (we never let you live that one down), countless camp outs, the time we drank champagne at that party and you spat yours everywhere,  you swimming in the river in your underwear (not as weird as it sounds I promise) and me trying to pretend I didn’t know you when people stopped and laughed, building tree houses, the fact that we’re so evenly matched that whenever we have a wrestling match neither of us can ever win, arguing about music, all the stupid inside jokes and the banter, the time we ran six miles on the hottest day of the year and both nearly threw up, the long walks where it was just the two of us and we’d talk about anything – politics, religion, our plans for the future, sport.

There’s the sad memories too. How hard you found it to fit into your new school. How much you struggled. How much you hated it. I haven’t forgotten that. We’ve fallen out a few times over our differences and I kinda wish we were as close as we used to be, but you’re a typical teenage boy now and you’re more interested in video games and your school friends than playing in the mud.

And that’s fine. I’ve moved on too. I guess this letter is bittersweet for me. I guess it’s kind of a goodbye because I know in my heart that we’ll never be the same as we were when we were kids. Just remember, I care about you and if you ever need me, you know where I am.

(I’m laughing in my head rn because I know if you read this and know that it’s for you, I’ll never hear the end of it and I’ll get told off for being so ‘cringey’ ahaha)

T

Where do I even start with you? We’ve spent so much of our lives together, every single part of ourselves intertwined. We fit together like two pieces of a jigsaw, I know your every curve and edge. That comes from days spent in the sun, long walks where we’d tell each other everything, staying up until 2am and then setting our alarms to get up and watch the sunrise, but sleeping through them and being woken up mid morning by little sisters, making pancakes on the fire, singing together long into the night on warm summer evenings. Your voice has always been so beautiful, but you still let me join in even though mine is nothing compared to yours.

It comes from sitting on swings and talking about people we used to know. Poetry. Words that we like. What we’ll do in the future. What people have said to us. What we said to them. From hugging each other tight when one of us had to leave, from not wanting to ever be apart.

The inside jokes between us are actually insane. There’s pretty much an entire dictionary of words (mostly made up by you) that only we understand. A sentence that makes absolutely no sense to anyone else makes perfect sense between us. I don’t even know why…..it just does.

You’ve rested your head on my shoulder and told me about every insecurity you have about yourself and I have loved every broken piece of you just the same. We’ve argued many times, but it’s only because we’re both such strong-willed, opinionated people and because we know our friendship is strong enough to withstand it.

There have been times when we haven’t seen each other in months and yet we can pick up straight where we left off like nothing happened. You are honestly like family to me and I love you with all of my heart and always will (though you do annoy the hell out of me sometimes haha) It’s only because I know you too well.

Like when I post poems on my blog and am purposefully vague about who they’re about/for and you persistently text me until I tell you. We can’t keep secrets can we?

We’re not as close as we were, that’s for sure, but I love you with everything within me and I always will, you crazy wildchild ❤

H

You are actually the literal definition of a best friend – someone I can be so weird and crazy with and scream incoherently at, but also the person I can pour my heart out to, the person who will listen to me ramble on about life and not once complain, the person who I can have the deepest and most honest conversations with, the person who just gets me.

You are quite honestly the most stunning girl ever (inside and out) and I know you struggle sometimes, but you’ve gotta promise me that you will ALWAYS keep that beautiful smile on your face because I don’t know what I’d do without it (and obvs keep sending me all the pics you sneakily take of cute boys it’s very entertaining ahaha)

One day you and me and A are just gonna leave everything behind and disappear into the sunset and attempt to write novels and make crazy videos and change the world.

I love you honestly more than I can say. So. Much. Love.

L

Every day you show me that we as a generation are so powerful. I am incredibly proud to be just a teeny tiny part of what you are doing to empower young people and change the world.

I’ve watched you as an individual and your project, tC, grow over the years and have been on the receiving end of so many excited messages about awards you’ve been nominated for or influential people who’ve supported what you’re doing. I honestly couldn’t be prouder of you and everything you’ve achieved.

On top of that you are just the most smiley, positive, motivated and caring person that there is.

Ilysm and you have such a brilliant future ahead of you! In a world that’s so full of negativity, you have turned your desire for change into something empowering and a force for good and that is absolutely incredible (also did I mention how inspiring you are?? Asfgjklgjkll)

O

You were there when I first discovered my love of the ocean and of sailing and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have shared that first experience with. You already knew, it was part of who you are since forever, but it was all new to me and I completely fell in love with it.

Ah man, remember when no one knew your name for the first few days of the voyage because whenever someone asked you, you’d say something different? Remember when the others from the boat decided to follow us and we led them on that huge long walk right round the whole town? We were laughing our asses off whilst they puffed and panted up hill after hill and decided that shadowing us wasn’t such a great idea after all.

You were there when I saw dolphins for the first time. When I first came to know that this was what I wanted to do with my life. Sheesh, those are some good memories.

We haven’t seen each other for so long, but it’s still me you text when you’re going through tough times because you know I’ll always be there for you. And mate, you’ve been through some hard times recently and it’s broken my heart to think of that smile not being there on your face anymore. You’ve gotta keep going, mate, because you are truly the definition of awesome.

You don’t care what people think, you’re funny, you’re super cool –  that will never be taken away from you (not on my watch anyway, okay bruh)

I don’t tell you this nearly as often as I should, but you’re one of my best mates and I appreciate just being able to rant to you about whatever and trade sailing stories and I’m looking forward to the day you FINALLY teach me to surf asdfghjlll 🙂

Aq

Every time I talk to you I just want to shake you and make you see how amazing you are *shakey shakey* *starts dancing for no apparent reason* Anyway, you’re the crazy smart one who works so hard for her future, quiet until you get to know her, cares so much about everyone and everything kinda girl.

Your laugh is officially my favourite sound in the world and I can stay on facetime with you for hours just to hear it over and over again because the sound of your joy is the most beautiful thing.

I wish I could give you the confidence just to go out into the world and be who you are because the world needs more people just like you, but I understand that it doesn’t come naturally to you. You’re taking small steps and I’m so proud of you for that.

Your music, your art, your poetry, they are all pieces of you, fragments of your brokenness that you’re trying to put back together and I want you to know how beautiful it all is.

Thank you for being there for me and always giving me such great advice and you know I’ll always do the same for you. So much love and massive hugs xxx

R

We’re both on a quest to find our place in the world and find out how we can make a difference. We’ve both felt that hopelessness that comes from not knowing what we can do to heal the pain and suffering in the world and we both know the struggle of being someone who cares too much for their own good. I’m so glad I get to share this journey with you, so glad that you’re always by my side (figuratively).

You’re always there to catch me when I’m falling. Always there to be the ultimate Mum friend (especially since you call everyone babe) and share some of that wisdom you seem to have so much of. You’ve guided me through a lot and I don’t think you’ll ever know how much I appreciate that.

So many of my favourite artists and songs have been recommended by you and I now listen to them on repeat and am so happy that I have someone to fangirl with! You’ve always been so supportive of my family and whatever crazy adventure we’re on and you have pretty a beautiful, strong family too (who also happen to be pretty darn adorable). Hehe d’you think we’ll ever get tired of exchanging cute photos/stories of younger siblings?

I have so much fun picking apart and comparing poetry with you, sharing ideas for novels we’ll never write and trying to guess what colour you’ve dyed your hair this time.

Our friendship goes so deep and I honestly love you so much. Thank you for everything. I mean that.

M

When Mum first introduced me to you I was in festival mode. Mum was like ‘you gotta come meet this girl! She’s the same age as you and she loves sailing too!’ So I rocked up on the doorstep of your yurt with my barefeet, baggy T-shirt and windswept hair and….didn’t come out for hours. Boy, can we talk!

Since then we have bonded over our love of avocados, dinghy sailing, the great outdoors, home education, tahini, old rock music, greeting people with the phrase ‘heya’, and dark chocolate. Even now on the phone, we can talk for literally HOURS even though I’m pretty sure there’s not one topic that we haven’t covered.

I am yet to persuade you to come ‘big boat’ sailing with me because you don’t fancy the idea of wearing waterproof overalls that will mask any kind of fashionable outfit or getting less sleep than you’re used to, but I will persevere and you WILL come with me one day ahaha.

At that festival, we hung out 24/7. Rope swinging over the river at midnight, playing ping pong in the barn at 2am, dancing all day, being thrust into my crazy friendship group with any prior warning, but fitting in perfectly.

You’re a beautiful, unique and fun person and I am so happy to be your friend xx

OYT

I spent the best days of my life on a boat sailing round the Scottish islands with you lot and the memories are ones I will always look back on and smile. Words cannot express how much you all mean to me. You’re absolutely bonkers, but hey, so I am so it’s cool 🙂 Here are just a few moments that capture our friendship perfectly (obviously we did do lots of hardcore sailing amongst all the messing around *wink wink*)

 

  • Me and S desperately trying to teach F how to bake, but eventually giving up ’cause we were laughing too much and ending up just throwing anything we could get our hands on in a mixing bowl. Then being the only ones who would eat it – except Ev and Ew who decided to be nice and give it a go.
  • Walking along the beach on Tiree (a Scottish island), just sharing food and talking.
  • Playing the hand slap game with F and losing so badly, but not giving up. Him laughing at me and how red and sore my hands were.
  • MS getting stuck in a barrel and then literally not being able to get out again.
  • Singing the entire eight minutes of American Pie with Ev and everyone else just looking at us like we’d gone absolutely mad.
  • Singing along to Oasis songs with MC
  • Buying a card in Tobermory that said ‘Mostly Made Of Sugar’, giving it to Ew and him being so happy!
  • Playing Capture The Flag on the beach at Tiree – Ew lying on the sand in a sugar low and everyone mucking about.
  • All the girls swimming in the sea on Tiree – despite it being freezing – and all the boys except Ew being absolute wimps.
  • K tattooing my arm with a pen and writing ‘flat earther’ all over it. Me, K and F hoovering the boat and trying to hoover each others’ hair and squeeze ourselves into all the cupboards.
  • Mad seshing to Tina Turner, Michael Jackson, Scooter and Of Monsters and Men. Everyone going absolutely crazy, turning all the lights off, getting K and Ev up on the table.
  • Banter 24/7
  • The whole world cup situation. Walking around Barra, phones in the air, trying to get a signal, jumping into the road and stopping cars to find out the score, using the binos to look in through people’s windows and their screens. Finding out that England lost and everyone being ecstatic, except Ev (who cried).
  • The boys walking around Tobermory singing the Balamory theme tune and the girls pretending not to know them.
  • The girls sitting drinking hot chocolate and chatting at a cafe in South Uist (being civilised for once lol)
  • Helping Os put his lifejacket on ‘cause he was feeling really ill and needed to go up on deck then the next thing I know Ta the bosun throwing me across the companionway and Os puking right where I was just standing.
  • Hours spent sitting on sail bags and the railings of the pig pen (a sort of cage where all the spare sails are kept) – talking and joking and arguing and the Scottish teasing the ‘dirty English scum’ and the girls beating up the boys and Z constantly falling out onto the deck.
  • Talking with a very sleep-deprived Ew at 3am on Anchor Watch and looking at the stars through the hatch. Waking F and Ev up for their shift and Ev falling straight back asleep, Ew farting in F’s face and F not even noticing because he was still ¾ asleep.

There’s weird dynamics between us now because some of us still see each other and others don’t, some of us keep in touch and others don’t, and we live all over the UK (and one of us in the US). I don’t know where this friendship will go, but the memories will last forever.

E

When two universes collide, two things that are both so beautiful, but somehow completely separate, the result is incredible. I learnt that with you. I only knew you from blogging – this crazy online world where we know each others deepest thoughts, but not the way the other smiles. And then somehow you were there in front of me in real life. Somehow we were drinking hot chocolate in a cafe and talking at a thousand miles an hour about life and writing and everything in between.

Suddenly you were real and it was weird (but in the best of ways). I had to learn to think of you with a different name, a real name, no longer just a pseudonym.

You came to my first spoken word performance, had dinner with my family whilst I was at rehearsals and then you were gone. I’m so glad our lives touched, though just briefly, one surreal whirlwind of hugs and excited words flying through the air.

We talk on the phone sometimes, but you’re busy and I miss you a lot. I’m so proud of everything you’re achieving though. Love you x

B

I just feel like when I’m with you I can be completely, totally and unapologetically myself. We can talk about everything and anything, make each laugh so much that we’re hysterical and I’ll always come away from a conversation with you with the hugest smile on my face.

You’re always so supportive of whatever’s going on in my life and so interested and enthusiastic. Pretty sure that when I text you I use wayyyy too many ALL CAPS and emojis, but you’re the kind of person who really doesn’t mind (and then replies in exactly the same way!)

Put us together and we’re absolutely crazy and will never stop talking, but we’re also full of ideas of how to make this world a better place. As long as we’re friends I don’t think we’ll ever run out of ideas, we bounce off of each others positivity and enthusiasm and desire to make a difference and that’s why we’re such an, um, explosive duo haha.

Love youuuuu!

I & G

I never realised you could get so close to people in only just over a week. The amount of memories we managed to make sailing those few hundred miles from Plymouth to Cowes and then back to Gosport is just absolutely insane.

The Small Ships Race itself was an intense five hours, half the deck underwater, the boat on its side with waves crashing just about everywhere, trying to tie knots knee deep in water and hear the skippers commands over the howl of the wind. As we attempted to eat seawater drenched fish finger sandwiches with fingers that were so cold we could barely open a bottle of ketchup between three of us, we’d look at each other and grin because, despite being soaked through to the skin and freezing cold for the umpteenth time today, this is what we born for, this is where we’re at our happiest.

At the party after the race, everyone else from the other crews had their make up perfect and a flawless outfit and knew all the words to the latest songs – we made up our own moves in our damp hoodies and the space buns we’d spent hours doing for each other.

We’d lay in our bunks at night and talk for hours when the boat was quiet and everyone else was fast asleep. You guys have been through so much and yet you are two of the strongest, most positive people I know. Partly, it was your stories that made me realise just how much I needed to do something to make a difference for my generation.

I can remember walking round the Harry Potter and Marvel shops for hours when we stopped in Weymouth and having to hear the entire plotlines of ever single book & movie , falling asleep in a tangle of limbs as the boat sailed through the darkness at 1am (always alert for the next tack or gybe), taking crazy selfies and modeling in the mist on deserted country lanes, skipping down the road, me diving off the boat and swimming round in the sea (you guys watching and laughing from the deck), working hard and loving every minute, singing Disney songs at the top of our lungs.

No amount of emails, text messages or facetiming could ever continue the bond that we had for those beautiful days, but it was a snapshot in our lives that I’m sure we’ll never forget and one day, when we’re all skippers of our own boats, we’ll meet again out on the wide, open sea……

Xx love you crazy gals Xx

Thanks so much for reading, people!! I’d love to see some of you steal this idea and do the same ❤ 

Gracie xxx

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Use Our Voices – Spoken Word Poetry Guest Post by Vaishnavi + And A Discussion On CHANGE


Heyy guys,

It’s so important that we as young people stand up and use our voices in whatever ways we can and that we support each other in doing so. I recently discovered that the awesome Vaishnavi at Written In The Stars is a fellow spoken word poet and so when she reached out and asked me about guest posting, I jumped at the chance to share some of her incredible work with you all! I’m going to let her take over now, but before I go there’s just a couple of things I wanna mention…..

  1. If there’s something you believe in, speak up about it. Do not be afraid to fight for your future. You may not think you can make a difference and it will definitely not always be easy, but never be scared to take the first small step.
  2. If there’s someone else trying to get their voice heard and make a difference, help them and support them in whatever ways you can. We rise by building others up and we are so much more powerful when we work together.
  3. Finally, I have so much post inspiration atm ahhhhhhh. Basically don’t be too surprised if my demented ramblings start popping up in your reader rather often haha

Anyway, over to Vaishnavi 🙂

Hi everyone! My name is Vaishnavi, but since it’s a mouthful, you can just think of me as Vaish. Gracie gave me the opportunity to share a poem I wrote to you guys, and I couldn’t be more grateful. she is such a funny, sweet, and overall delightful individual and friend, as you guys already know. This poem was important for me to write because first of all, it was for a prompt (a strong emotion) AND I have to present it. After spending days and days toiling over what to write, this came to me in bits and pieces, and little by little, the pieces of me (and hundreds of other voices) were tumbling out. I hope this poem makes you think about this important factor in our lives~
DA POEM PEEPS (hehe Gracie’s back could you tell? Anyway, enjoy this masterpiece of Vaishnavi’s)

Iridescent and looming

Change

Making my mouth contort into words horrifyingly unlike me

I try to run away while tripping over my own two feet

But like a shadow

It’s always, frustratingly, there

Maybe if I tiptoe

It would be as if I was never here
I could finally get a glimpse

Of sunlight

Pure sunlight

A chance to breathe again

Away from the darkness which already consumed my friends

Away from a shrieking tragedy, begging to enter

An aftertaste

Away from this monster who’s taking my life by the limbs and shaking it furiously

Like a play-thing

I’m unable to wear my crown

The cold envelopes my shaking body, sneaking up on me like the tendrils of early smoke

Taunting me

“You can’t hide anymore, we’re coming for you.”

WIth any remaining strength

I turn towards a dimming light in the hearth

A blossom of a memory

A piece of a younger me

One more naive

But in a flash, it’s gone

Like it was never really there

Were they merely echoes or projections of unparalleled strength?

Then
My heart is shattered glass

Everything turns cold and lonely

Then I’m forced to look

Up

I meet the glacier-blue eyes which strike chords in my mind

Penetrating my every. last. thought.

An unwanted gaze of a black, apathetic, beast

Then in a split second, just a split second

Everything hurts

When I’m forced by this unknown creature

To look inside me

And meddle with a few things.

A warped vision where everything twists and turns

A tremendous fist

Reaches for my soul

The foundation of everything I am

The fist goes right back and adds everything I will be and-

And-

I’m absolutely terrified of this weakness

But then-

But then if everything is doomed, why is everything clearing up
And sunlight piercing through-

Sunlight everywhere

I look at my hands and I feel renewed

I look back and forth, trying to find the beast that had earlier come

But-
But there was no trace of it

Vanished

Like it was never really there

There’s a gentle breeze caressing me, just within reach

My heart skips a beat

Ever so slowly, I open my eyes

And I come back to where I was

Where I’d always been

At my bed, the windows allowing the songs of the suburbs to sneak past, fingers hovering over the dusty keys

Hesitation

The sentence marks an unfinished thought

And I come upon a new thought– and I’m amazed and shocked

I’m different.

Is there a way

That I could’ve been mistaken?

I search through my memory of my past self

Through rose-tinted glasses

And peer at the life of little me

I feel strange

Confused, but calm

No longer can I see this blurry vision of a beast named change

Just

Someone holding their arms out

A patient, yet an austere fortitude

Allowing you

To come forth

Because everyone changes

Over time, these memories get sutured into my ribcage

Soft and warm undying things

That once made up me

Shades of paint, blossoming wholly inside me

Like they’re trying to impress someone

Remnants and flashes softly follow by heart, immortal but

The colors will always be the same

There is emotion caught up amongst my tongue

Holding me back

I breathe and I say

I say-

“Hey… It’s me again.”

And an exhale”

Thanks so much for sticking through, and thanks Gracie!! What do you guys think about change? 

 

(Gracie again) Come on guys, let’s use our voices and have a discussion? What do you think about change? What does it mean to you? 

#BlueForSudan

*this image is not my own*

Over burning, revolutionary red, today Sudan paints blue,

Though it hurts to hold the paintbrush, they must show the world the truth.

Though the red blood runs in the streets and holds the power in its hands,

They scream for peace, their fists held high,

We say #BlueForSudan

We can’t stop their suffering, but we are not entirely powerless. Use your blog/social media to raise awareness of what’s happening in Sudan and to show them that they are not alone #BlueForSudan #PaintSudanBlue

Empty

Sad eyes on smiling faces. I can’t bear it when I see my friends and other young people of my generation hiding their pain behind this mask of fake confidence and a don’t-care attitude. I’ve seen them cry, I’ve heard them talk and sometimes we don’t see what’s deeper down. So why don’t we all quit hiding and start sharing. Here’s a poem lol 👇

Empty

emptiness.

they say it’s like a blank space.

they say it’s so shallow.

they say it’s a defence,

but what does it replace?

what i want to know is

-honestly –

does it make it better?

or does it just numb the pain?

just for awhile, of course, ’cause we both know it won’t stay away.

 

well, i guess maybe i wouldn’t know ’cause,

i am not the suicide joke,

or the false laughter that follows,

i am your tears as you sob into my shirt,

’cause this is your story

and i ask you ‘why joke about what almost killed you?’

 

that laughter makes me angry.

why, why do you make this into something funny?

all i want is to tell you it will be okay,

don’t be ashamed of your pain.

you’re not empty. you’re not empty.

 

you are made from heart-shaped scars,

deep breathing, panic rising,

you are talking to the stars ‘cause you’re hurting

and they’re the only ones listening.

you are biting your lip and tasting blood and screaming

you are strength because you are tired of feeling weak

this is your story

you are anything but empty.

 

you are made from shattered glass and picking up the pieces

you are made from getting hurt and feeling like you’re worthless

there is ugliness in your pain

but from that truth comes beauty

do not hide behind that mask of empty, empty, empty.

Playground Swings

 

Playground Swings – a poem

**all photo credits to my sister**

silence
a child’s cry
they both call me to this place of familiarity
at different times
I think it’s
the security of a soft landing
the comfort of children playing
the simplicity of just saying
or
or it’s the lonely poeticness of a playground when it’s empty,
the cold, quiet paradox of a place like this in silence.
and something about the way
I can always smile here

thinking out loud on playground swings,
these creaking chains are the only ones that will ever set me free,
and yet still I’m trapped,
torn back down to earth
by the limits of my wings,
I want to fly higher
and I will
never quite knowing
stomach lurching
you will catch me when I’m falling
right?

Hood up
pulled over my face like a shadow
legs stretched to the sky
lips and mind searching for the ‘why’
in everything

my fingers are getting cold
kinda slipping
letting go
I’ve been here too long
nostalgia
memories burn holes
in your pocket
matches set fire to the past
then watch as flames destroy souls
and poetry is composed
and the future is all they leave us
covered in ash
so close and yet so far away

the wind blows in my face
just reminding me of its power
I rise and fall like the waves
and I can do nothing
yet I still strike out for the shore
and swim
but sometimes I am torn between
the devil and the deep blue sea
and sometimes
the mystery of the horizon
is too beautiful
and I fill the ocean with my tears
whilst the tide takes me
and I have to decide whether to fight
or to let go.

but I am stronger
I am stronger
than anyone knows
and I will sing a song
my song
and people will hear me
and they will lean over the fence and listen
and I will be a child on a playground swing again

{Messin’ With A Camera and Some Words}

I’ve taken some kinda aesthetic photos recently. Not a photographer, but I like messing around with my phone camera so yeah, guys, enjoy…

I tell the sunset that I miss you. I tell it how my heart aches and how, if the blue of the sky was a little deeper, it could be an upside-down ocean.

 

~sparkler wizard in his element~

What the mirror sees is what I forget – wild hair and cowgirl jeans. Bracelets up one arm, a metallic road spanning bruised skin stretched over muscle, swimmer’s muscle. Swimmer’s bruises. This is me. 

Fire and noise call me from afar. The drums feel like a revolution. There are crowds, but all I see are hands, tucked in pockets, reaching for the sky, for the fireworks that explode above their heads, just out of reach. Beautiful, but fleeting and no one’s to keep. There’s smoke, but all I see are flames, leaping through the air towards me. They call me, set my soul on fire. There’s sparks that burn my heart and it….it makes me feel alive.

Cars pass like moments, seconds even. Things we wanted to say, but….never did. Times when we turned our unspoken words into sighs….wrote the text message, but deleted it before we pressed send. Talked to the stars. Hid our feelings in metaphors and rhymes. I’m guilty. Another car past.

Stop! Don’t run into the fire, don’t burn, don’t follow the crowd, don’t be hypnotised by the flames, listen to my warning in the dark. Please.

“Mummy, the sky’s on fire.” 

I like talking to the sky. I tell it how I feel and then that I don’t know what to feel. I tell it that I don’t know what to say and it listens. I sing in the car because it makes me feel powerful. Just like when I’m in the water, I feel like I’m on top of the world, but I’m not. I feel the light above me and I fight my way up. 

Shadows And Promises

There are shadows that don’t match their shape,
Promises that were only ever made.
Not kept.

Waves come crawling back to the shore,
On their hands and knees and full of remorse,
They can’t go back.
Not any more.

One day, people will wake up and open their eyes,
Hollowness will fill up and chemistry will override,
And life will go on.

Maybe we’ll stop doing things whilst not really knowing why,
Stop sitting in the dark and spark a fire.
Maybe we’ll set light to our hearts and learn how to truly love.
Maybe…

And I’ll look out for you because, for a reason I don’t even know,
the perfect, hazy memory of you fills my soul.
And I need you.
I need you so bad.

I think of all the nights I’ll cry
because I don’t have the answer,
or the reason why.
And that destroys me.

I dream of shadows that don’t match their shape,
Promises that are only made,
Never kept.
And I need you.
I need you so bad.

~Goodbye, Carefree Summer~

Goodbye, carefree summer. You’re nearly gone now. I can still smell you in the wood smoke on my t-shirts though, hear you echoing in the laughter of my friends and feel you in the wind against my face, it’s much colder now. I miss you already.

I said my goodbyes in style. The water was freezing, but it was worth it….I let go, I went wild, I celebrated your legacy all the carefree spirit that’s inside me.

~Goodbye, Carefree Summer~

It’s true – happiness comes in waves.

You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf…(which is what I fully intend to do)

The ocean is everything I want to be; mysterious, beautiful, wild and free.

Make waves, my friend 😉 

And now I’m ready. Ready for autumn and it’s untamed beauty. Ready for its fiery chill and crisp embrace. Come at me. I’m ready.

 

~the ocean + me~

I honestly think that I have saltwater for blood, the rhythm of the tides for a heartbeat and the dance of the waves in my soul. There is never a moment when I am not wishing I was at sea.

I have an obsession – with the ocean.

I want to share this piece that I wrote as part of my application to a spoken word programme in London. I haven’t heard if I got in yet, but I’ll be sure to let you all know. Anyway, I believe it captures exactly how I feel about the ocean.

Ode To The Ocean 

You fill my empty solitude with salt and spray and sea,
The never-ending water and footprints on the beach,
Your rise and fall and ups and downs,
You’ve showed me all my dreams,
And thanks to you, I know exactly who I want to be.

The sense of freedom and of flying,
The immortal fantasy of never, ever dying,
Just gliding through the waves forever and eternity,
Ecstatically content and exactly where I want to be.

The mystery of your rugged beauty chained to age-old rhythm,
An ever-changing surface with no predictable pattern,
And far below that, in your depths, are things we’ll never see,
Wild waters that are both forever trapped and forever free.

You sure know how to transform yourself into a masterpiece,
Stunning sunsets, vivid colours melting into your blues and greens,
Epic storms that summon the winds from all edges of the seas,
Black skies, lightning strikes, moonlit clouds sitting on the breeze.

Your waves they tumble and they crash,
Then they rise again from the ash
Like life’s one, constant motion,
Like a phoenix from the flames – the motion can’t be broken.

The wind in my sails and the waves beneath me come from you,
This feeling inside me tells me what I need to do,
And it tells me just where I need to be.
With you, where I belong, out at sea.

Here’s an audio of me performing it – https://youtu.be/hwBGzQWqt3s

We’re moving into our new truck very soon (super excited about that) and I’ve been decorating my bed. It’s the closest I’ve ever come to having my own room and I’m putting a lot of effort into making it look aesthetic. It’s really just a reflection of me and who I am, but my main theme is the ocean. I’ve printed out tons of photos, quotes, lyrics and poetry about sailing, waves, tides, beaches and the sea – as well as making my own ocean neon sign! I haven’t got a photo of it finished, but here’s one of it half done.

It now has a big swirly wave underneath 🌊

Another thing about the ocean is all the memories it holds for me. The best days of my life have been spent in its company. It’s given me a purpose. I’ve met some of my best friends thanks to it. Ocean = sailing = 😍😍😍


That was a kinda random post about the ocean + me. Hope you enjoyed!