I’ll admit it – I’m a little nervous to post these. Most of the people that these letters (which are all extremely heartfelt and honest, btw) are addressed to read this blog and some of these are words I’ve never said to them before. I’m half expecting a flurry of messages telling me to ‘be less cringey omg’ or ‘I actually never said that’ or ‘I thought you were over it’ after this post because, although I’m keeping it completely anonymous (you’ll never guess who mwhahah) if one of these letters is to you I’m pretty sure you’re gonna know about it lol.
So anyway I’m lowkey scared that y’all (can I say y’all?? I’m British it doesn’t work like that round here lol)…ahem, as I was saying I’m kinda scared you guys are gonna think I’m a tad dramatic after this post, but that’s fine ’cause I’m a writer and it comes with the job 🙂
Before I launch straight into this (who am I kidding I’ve already rambled for ages), I’d just like to say that this is a Close Friends Edition. I’m thinking of doing a family and family friends post too at some point in the near future. Also, having the right people in your life is so important and although I’ve struggled with the whole friendship thing and finding people who actually ‘get me’, I’ve been prettyyy lucky.
Here goes me being poetic and sharing stories that are only funny to like me and one other person, but enjoy! Note: these are in a totally randomised order 🙂
A
You say you don’t have a poetic bone in your body, but tbh I’m convinced that every single part of you is poetry. The way you smile, the way you’re broken but every fiber in your body just wants others to feel less alone, just in the way every word you write touches my heart and makes me breathless for a moment, the way you can always make me laugh.
Our friendship is being there for each other through absolutely everything, when you’re at your lowest you know you can reach for me because I will love you no matter what, and that will never change. It’s you I text the minute something exciting happens or when I’m close to crying on the floor because I can’t do this anymore. You’ve helped bring me through so much and you’re not afraid to tell me what’s best for me, even if it’s not always what I want to hear haha.
I’m so incredibly proud of you just for being who you are and I appreciate you so much. Keep laughing, keep smiling, keep writing and being the beautiful person that you are. Most of all, never give up on the world and never doubt yourself because you have SO much to give.
I’m always going to be a little jealous of how effortlessly aesthetic you are (ummm how??? teach me your secrets mwhahahaha), but despite of that, I love you and one day we WILL travel the world together and see amazing places and meet cool people and fix the broken pieces of the world and write poetry all day ❤
Be
Apparently I wrestled you to the ground the first time we met. We were five years old. We’ve grown up together and even though everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has shipped us since day one, we both know we’ll never be anything more than best mates.
Yeah, you’re annoying as anything most of the time, but again, it’s just because I know you too well. There’s too many memories to count. Putting my coat on and coming out in the pouring rain to keep you company when you had to litter pick after school for hours, that entire magazine we wrote and illustrated when we eleven, me and T terrifying you when we chased you through the woods that night and you didn’t know who we were (we never let you live that one down), countless camp outs, the time we drank champagne at that party and you spat yours everywhere, you swimming in the river in your underwear (not as weird as it sounds I promise) and me trying to pretend I didn’t know you when people stopped and laughed, building tree houses, the fact that we’re so evenly matched that whenever we have a wrestling match neither of us can ever win, arguing about music, all the stupid inside jokes and the banter, the time we ran six miles on the hottest day of the year and both nearly threw up, the long walks where it was just the two of us and we’d talk about anything – politics, religion, our plans for the future, sport.
There’s the sad memories too. How hard you found it to fit into your new school. How much you struggled. How much you hated it. I haven’t forgotten that. We’ve fallen out a few times over our differences and I kinda wish we were as close as we used to be, but you’re a typical teenage boy now and you’re more interested in video games and your school friends than playing in the mud.
And that’s fine. I’ve moved on too. I guess this letter is bittersweet for me. I guess it’s kind of a goodbye because I know in my heart that we’ll never be the same as we were when we were kids. Just remember, I care about you and if you ever need me, you know where I am.
(I’m laughing in my head rn because I know if you read this and know that it’s for you, I’ll never hear the end of it and I’ll get told off for being so ‘cringey’ ahaha)
T
Where do I even start with you? We’ve spent so much of our lives together, every single part of ourselves intertwined. We fit together like two pieces of a jigsaw, I know your every curve and edge. That comes from days spent in the sun, long walks where we’d tell each other everything, staying up until 2am and then setting our alarms to get up and watch the sunrise, but sleeping through them and being woken up mid morning by little sisters, making pancakes on the fire, singing together long into the night on warm summer evenings. Your voice has always been so beautiful, but you still let me join in even though mine is nothing compared to yours.
It comes from sitting on swings and talking about people we used to know. Poetry. Words that we like. What we’ll do in the future. What people have said to us. What we said to them. From hugging each other tight when one of us had to leave, from not wanting to ever be apart.
The inside jokes between us are actually insane. There’s pretty much an entire dictionary of words (mostly made up by you) that only we understand. A sentence that makes absolutely no sense to anyone else makes perfect sense between us. I don’t even know why…..it just does.
You’ve rested your head on my shoulder and told me about every insecurity you have about yourself and I have loved every broken piece of you just the same. We’ve argued many times, but it’s only because we’re both such strong-willed, opinionated people and because we know our friendship is strong enough to withstand it.
There have been times when we haven’t seen each other in months and yet we can pick up straight where we left off like nothing happened. You are honestly like family to me and I love you with all of my heart and always will (though you do annoy the hell out of me sometimes haha) It’s only because I know you too well.
Like when I post poems on my blog and am purposefully vague about who they’re about/for and you persistently text me until I tell you. We can’t keep secrets can we?
We’re not as close as we were, that’s for sure, but I love you with everything within me and I always will, you crazy wildchild ❤
H
You are actually the literal definition of a best friend – someone I can be so weird and crazy with and scream incoherently at, but also the person I can pour my heart out to, the person who will listen to me ramble on about life and not once complain, the person who I can have the deepest and most honest conversations with, the person who just gets me.
You are quite honestly the most stunning girl ever (inside and out) and I know you struggle sometimes, but you’ve gotta promise me that you will ALWAYS keep that beautiful smile on your face because I don’t know what I’d do without it (and obvs keep sending me all the pics you sneakily take of cute boys it’s very entertaining ahaha)
One day you and me and A are just gonna leave everything behind and disappear into the sunset and attempt to write novels and make crazy videos and change the world.
I love you honestly more than I can say. So. Much. Love.
L
Every day you show me that we as a generation are so powerful. I am incredibly proud to be just a teeny tiny part of what you are doing to empower young people and change the world.
I’ve watched you as an individual and your project, tC, grow over the years and have been on the receiving end of so many excited messages about awards you’ve been nominated for or influential people who’ve supported what you’re doing. I honestly couldn’t be prouder of you and everything you’ve achieved.
On top of that you are just the most smiley, positive, motivated and caring person that there is.
Ilysm and you have such a brilliant future ahead of you! In a world that’s so full of negativity, you have turned your desire for change into something empowering and a force for good and that is absolutely incredible (also did I mention how inspiring you are?? Asfgjklgjkll)
O
You were there when I first discovered my love of the ocean and of sailing and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have shared that first experience with. You already knew, it was part of who you are since forever, but it was all new to me and I completely fell in love with it.
Ah man, remember when no one knew your name for the first few days of the voyage because whenever someone asked you, you’d say something different? Remember when the others from the boat decided to follow us and we led them on that huge long walk right round the whole town? We were laughing our asses off whilst they puffed and panted up hill after hill and decided that shadowing us wasn’t such a great idea after all.
You were there when I saw dolphins for the first time. When I first came to know that this was what I wanted to do with my life. Sheesh, those are some good memories.
We haven’t seen each other for so long, but it’s still me you text when you’re going through tough times because you know I’ll always be there for you. And mate, you’ve been through some hard times recently and it’s broken my heart to think of that smile not being there on your face anymore. You’ve gotta keep going, mate, because you are truly the definition of awesome.
You don’t care what people think, you’re funny, you’re super cool – that will never be taken away from you (not on my watch anyway, okay bruh)
I don’t tell you this nearly as often as I should, but you’re one of my best mates and I appreciate just being able to rant to you about whatever and trade sailing stories and I’m looking forward to the day you FINALLY teach me to surf asdfghjlll 🙂
Aq
Every time I talk to you I just want to shake you and make you see how amazing you are *shakey shakey* *starts dancing for no apparent reason* Anyway, you’re the crazy smart one who works so hard for her future, quiet until you get to know her, cares so much about everyone and everything kinda girl.
Your laugh is officially my favourite sound in the world and I can stay on facetime with you for hours just to hear it over and over again because the sound of your joy is the most beautiful thing.
I wish I could give you the confidence just to go out into the world and be who you are because the world needs more people just like you, but I understand that it doesn’t come naturally to you. You’re taking small steps and I’m so proud of you for that.
Your music, your art, your poetry, they are all pieces of you, fragments of your brokenness that you’re trying to put back together and I want you to know how beautiful it all is.
Thank you for being there for me and always giving me such great advice and you know I’ll always do the same for you. So much love and massive hugs xxx
R
We’re both on a quest to find our place in the world and find out how we can make a difference. We’ve both felt that hopelessness that comes from not knowing what we can do to heal the pain and suffering in the world and we both know the struggle of being someone who cares too much for their own good. I’m so glad I get to share this journey with you, so glad that you’re always by my side (figuratively).
You’re always there to catch me when I’m falling. Always there to be the ultimate Mum friend (especially since you call everyone babe) and share some of that wisdom you seem to have so much of. You’ve guided me through a lot and I don’t think you’ll ever know how much I appreciate that.
So many of my favourite artists and songs have been recommended by you and I now listen to them on repeat and am so happy that I have someone to fangirl with! You’ve always been so supportive of my family and whatever crazy adventure we’re on and you have pretty a beautiful, strong family too (who also happen to be pretty darn adorable). Hehe d’you think we’ll ever get tired of exchanging cute photos/stories of younger siblings?
I have so much fun picking apart and comparing poetry with you, sharing ideas for novels we’ll never write and trying to guess what colour you’ve dyed your hair this time.
Our friendship goes so deep and I honestly love you so much. Thank you for everything. I mean that.
M
When Mum first introduced me to you I was in festival mode. Mum was like ‘you gotta come meet this girl! She’s the same age as you and she loves sailing too!’ So I rocked up on the doorstep of your yurt with my barefeet, baggy T-shirt and windswept hair and….didn’t come out for hours. Boy, can we talk!
Since then we have bonded over our love of avocados, dinghy sailing, the great outdoors, home education, tahini, old rock music, greeting people with the phrase ‘heya’, and dark chocolate. Even now on the phone, we can talk for literally HOURS even though I’m pretty sure there’s not one topic that we haven’t covered.
I am yet to persuade you to come ‘big boat’ sailing with me because you don’t fancy the idea of wearing waterproof overalls that will mask any kind of fashionable outfit or getting less sleep than you’re used to, but I will persevere and you WILL come with me one day ahaha.
At that festival, we hung out 24/7. Rope swinging over the river at midnight, playing ping pong in the barn at 2am, dancing all day, being thrust into my crazy friendship group with any prior warning, but fitting in perfectly.
You’re a beautiful, unique and fun person and I am so happy to be your friend xx
OYT
I spent the best days of my life on a boat sailing round the Scottish islands with you lot and the memories are ones I will always look back on and smile. Words cannot express how much you all mean to me. You’re absolutely bonkers, but hey, so I am so it’s cool 🙂 Here are just a few moments that capture our friendship perfectly (obviously we did do lots of hardcore sailing amongst all the messing around *wink wink*)
- Me and S desperately trying to teach F how to bake, but eventually giving up ’cause we were laughing too much and ending up just throwing anything we could get our hands on in a mixing bowl. Then being the only ones who would eat it – except Ev and Ew who decided to be nice and give it a go.
- Walking along the beach on Tiree (a Scottish island), just sharing food and talking.
- Playing the hand slap game with F and losing so badly, but not giving up. Him laughing at me and how red and sore my hands were.
- MS getting stuck in a barrel and then literally not being able to get out again.
- Singing the entire eight minutes of American Pie with Ev and everyone else just looking at us like we’d gone absolutely mad.
- Singing along to Oasis songs with MC
- Buying a card in Tobermory that said ‘Mostly Made Of Sugar’, giving it to Ew and him being so happy!
- Playing Capture The Flag on the beach at Tiree – Ew lying on the sand in a sugar low and everyone mucking about.
- All the girls swimming in the sea on Tiree – despite it being freezing – and all the boys except Ew being absolute wimps.
- K tattooing my arm with a pen and writing ‘flat earther’ all over it. Me, K and F hoovering the boat and trying to hoover each others’ hair and squeeze ourselves into all the cupboards.
- Mad seshing to Tina Turner, Michael Jackson, Scooter and Of Monsters and Men. Everyone going absolutely crazy, turning all the lights off, getting K and Ev up on the table.
- Banter 24/7
- The whole world cup situation. Walking around Barra, phones in the air, trying to get a signal, jumping into the road and stopping cars to find out the score, using the binos to look in through people’s windows and their screens. Finding out that England lost and everyone being ecstatic, except Ev (who cried).
- The boys walking around Tobermory singing the Balamory theme tune and the girls pretending not to know them.
- The girls sitting drinking hot chocolate and chatting at a cafe in South Uist (being civilised for once lol)
- Helping Os put his lifejacket on ‘cause he was feeling really ill and needed to go up on deck then the next thing I know Ta the bosun throwing me across the companionway and Os puking right where I was just standing.
- Hours spent sitting on sail bags and the railings of the pig pen (a sort of cage where all the spare sails are kept) – talking and joking and arguing and the Scottish teasing the ‘dirty English scum’ and the girls beating up the boys and Z constantly falling out onto the deck.
- Talking with a very sleep-deprived Ew at 3am on Anchor Watch and looking at the stars through the hatch. Waking F and Ev up for their shift and Ev falling straight back asleep, Ew farting in F’s face and F not even noticing because he was still ¾ asleep.
There’s weird dynamics between us now because some of us still see each other and others don’t, some of us keep in touch and others don’t, and we live all over the UK (and one of us in the US). I don’t know where this friendship will go, but the memories will last forever.
E
When two universes collide, two things that are both so beautiful, but somehow completely separate, the result is incredible. I learnt that with you. I only knew you from blogging – this crazy online world where we know each others deepest thoughts, but not the way the other smiles. And then somehow you were there in front of me in real life. Somehow we were drinking hot chocolate in a cafe and talking at a thousand miles an hour about life and writing and everything in between.
Suddenly you were real and it was weird (but in the best of ways). I had to learn to think of you with a different name, a real name, no longer just a pseudonym.
You came to my first spoken word performance, had dinner with my family whilst I was at rehearsals and then you were gone. I’m so glad our lives touched, though just briefly, one surreal whirlwind of hugs and excited words flying through the air.
We talk on the phone sometimes, but you’re busy and I miss you a lot. I’m so proud of everything you’re achieving though. Love you x
B
I just feel like when I’m with you I can be completely, totally and unapologetically myself. We can talk about everything and anything, make each laugh so much that we’re hysterical and I’ll always come away from a conversation with you with the hugest smile on my face.
You’re always so supportive of whatever’s going on in my life and so interested and enthusiastic. Pretty sure that when I text you I use wayyyy too many ALL CAPS and emojis, but you’re the kind of person who really doesn’t mind (and then replies in exactly the same way!)
Put us together and we’re absolutely crazy and will never stop talking, but we’re also full of ideas of how to make this world a better place. As long as we’re friends I don’t think we’ll ever run out of ideas, we bounce off of each others positivity and enthusiasm and desire to make a difference and that’s why we’re such an, um, explosive duo haha.
Love youuuuu!
I & G
I never realised you could get so close to people in only just over a week. The amount of memories we managed to make sailing those few hundred miles from Plymouth to Cowes and then back to Gosport is just absolutely insane.
The Small Ships Race itself was an intense five hours, half the deck underwater, the boat on its side with waves crashing just about everywhere, trying to tie knots knee deep in water and hear the skippers commands over the howl of the wind. As we attempted to eat seawater drenched fish finger sandwiches with fingers that were so cold we could barely open a bottle of ketchup between three of us, we’d look at each other and grin because, despite being soaked through to the skin and freezing cold for the umpteenth time today, this is what we born for, this is where we’re at our happiest.
At the party after the race, everyone else from the other crews had their make up perfect and a flawless outfit and knew all the words to the latest songs – we made up our own moves in our damp hoodies and the space buns we’d spent hours doing for each other.
We’d lay in our bunks at night and talk for hours when the boat was quiet and everyone else was fast asleep. You guys have been through so much and yet you are two of the strongest, most positive people I know. Partly, it was your stories that made me realise just how much I needed to do something to make a difference for my generation.
I can remember walking round the Harry Potter and Marvel shops for hours when we stopped in Weymouth and having to hear the entire plotlines of ever single book & movie , falling asleep in a tangle of limbs as the boat sailed through the darkness at 1am (always alert for the next tack or gybe), taking crazy selfies and modeling in the mist on deserted country lanes, skipping down the road, me diving off the boat and swimming round in the sea (you guys watching and laughing from the deck), working hard and loving every minute, singing Disney songs at the top of our lungs.
No amount of emails, text messages or facetiming could ever continue the bond that we had for those beautiful days, but it was a snapshot in our lives that I’m sure we’ll never forget and one day, when we’re all skippers of our own boats, we’ll meet again out on the wide, open sea……
Xx love you crazy gals Xx
Thanks so much for reading, people!! I’d love to see some of you steal this idea and do the same ❤
Gracie xxx
